The Prime Nipple.

There I was, in the rain, waiting for gnome to get out of his dance lessons so we could finally go home and get some Cluck-U with some sweet chili sauce, it's a new sauce, and I enjoy it very much. Anyways, Chris Christie is out of office now, so now Gnome and I have been looking for new jobs for us to do instead of playing games and fapping all day long. Gnome decided to start dating girls again, because he's a f****t. We decided to also move to Japan because everybody knows that Japan gets all the games right as they come out, the bad part is, Gnome and I have been trying to learn Japanese for the past 6 hours and we haven't learned a word. All the wording is in Japanese. So I decided to transport Noah here secretly, even though he backstabbed us a few blogposts ago, he still proves to be our loyal defender, he would take a sneeze for us if we asked him to. Just as we got settled in moving all the boxes in Japan, we got a holographic message from the new Governor of New Jersey, Chuck Cheese. He owns a large variety of different childrens indoor playgrounds that scam you out of tickets so you can't by the disco ball that you've always wanted and your parents don't want to pay 20$ for that piece of shit anyway because it would probably break in two seconds. I once actually found a diaper in a ballpit their once, it was filled with shit, and I got sick with the flu the next day. That's why they call it Scum E. Cheeses. Anyways, he called us up to ask if it was okay to call us if the world of New Jersey was in trouble. Gnome and I had to think about it because he was tired of moving for the longest time. Just then, he told us that Blimpus also moved to Japan because they were funding his new projects because he got dumped by his girlfriend for having too big of a butt. Anyways, I was told that he was sad and wanted to take it out on the world, so I got my waterfueled Jetpack from our rich father and we flew over to where Blimpus was trying to rule the world. We found out his was just crying in his lab, so we left. We then got a call from Chuck Cheese and he told us that Blimpus was not the real threat, but it was our former commerade, THE NIPPLED AVENGER. I got my cowboy hat and we started riding over to this Fortress of Nippletude and gnome got out his slingshot, we didn't want to go easy on this majestic mammermal. He came out with his hands up, "DON'T MOVE CRIMINAL SCUM" I said. Then he tried telling me "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG, I WAS JUST MILKING MYSELF." I knew he was trying to play his titiful mindtricks on me, so I decided to pounce on his and beat him up, but he flexed his chest and made me fly off, or atleast he though he threw me off, I was actually still holding on because I am actually an ex-rodeo star. He flexed again and I lost grip and I flew out of his fortress into the ocean. It was up to gnome to destroy this preversion of nature. And he failed, he flew into the ocean next to me and we were disdraught that we weren't able to defeat this titted menace. Just then, our Dad came with his new private water powered jet and scooped us up with the mechanical arm on the bottom. "I GOT YOU YOUNGINS" he said as he crashed into the fortress, we woke up on the shores of the island where the fortress is and we found our dead lying next to us, we though he was drunk, but he was dead. We didn't care, we got all of that inheritance anyway, so we win either way. "BACK FOR MORE?" The Nippled Avenger asked us, and we combined our powers, I got out my sash full of empty cans and then I clashed them together to make a really loud noise to distract him, then Gnome went up to him and attempted to subdue him, to no avail. I then got out a bottle of my favorite drink. JOHNNY WALKER BLUE LABEL that I bought off my EBT because the government loves me. I then grew stronger and faster, enough to knock the Nippled Avenger out and throw him into Japanese jail, Japanese jail is a bad thing to be in because they poke you with sharp sticks, and i'm guessing those sticks will pierces his nipples and make japan blow up in a milky explosion. Tehe. And that's what happened today. I'm pooped, I need to do my 1000 push-ups for the ladies then i need to buy some japanese whores.

I'll update you guys if anything else happens again, until then Robert out.

Blimpus be nimble, Blimpus be quick, Go f**k yourself.

Gnome and I were in our torture chambers with our newest addition to the room, Noah Maxwell. We put him in a bathtub and we had Smith slowly give him a spongebath until he finally talked about how Blimpus was meeting with a new partner in crime and how he didn't know who exact the partner was. Gnome and I both shook our heads in agreement that we we knew how to get into the mind of Blimpus. Noah told us about his new warehouse 12 that he had and it looked like Blimpus was making airplanes, but he wasn't. In fact, he was actually building Blimps that were creating Chem-trails. We decided to strike at the heart of this operation by destroying the chemical maker of all of the chemicals that were chem-trailing the town because we needed to stop them before it was too late. It was the chemical man of all chemicals, it was Fiston Trud. In his off time he wrote fan fiction about superman and all of the DC comics, because he literally had nothing else to do. He also worshiped that guy in a business suit. We decided to raid his fortress in the sky, but as gnome was afraid of hights, we just ran in head first into the castle in the sky. The guards were easy to manipulate by offering them chocolate, which was actually gnome asshair smoldered into a small plastic ball and rewrapped in m&ms packets. As they threw up gnome hit them in the ballsack with a baseball bat. I then decided to go into the cockpit and I stood at Fiston right in the face and I told him to stop the airship and he said "okey sir" and he landed the air ship in 2 second flat. I was suprised seeing how it was almost too tough for me to get him to land the ship, just then I realized he landed the ship on lava and he wanted us to jump in for a HOT BATH. I considered the following then I heard laughing from behind me, it was infact Blimpus, and gnome pointed at him and said "you again blimpus! How did I know it was you" I was confused because I don't remember having to go after blimpus but the chem-trail guy instead. Meanwhile he was sneaking away. I puled out my gun and I told him to back off otherwise i'd shoot a gasline and we would all explode. Little did blimpus know that the volcano was going to erupt so I jumped out the window before he could say anything and the whole airship exploded into 15,604 little pieces. It was amazing. And then when gnome and I got home I said to myself, gee, I sure am covered in soot. So we had Noah give us a spongebath when we got home. I'll update later from my new computer that i'm obtaining through cheating our government welfare system.

Submarine Factions and Terrorist Actions (We're back bitches)

Close your eyes. Imagine that you're sitting in a room with Gnome and I while Gnome sips his green tea with spiced chai flavoring. (If you actually closed your eyes, you're a milky licking idiot who doesn't deserve welfare like gnome and I do.)  The computer gave us the AOL ringtone of e-mails and we were startled because we were watching Rosebuds Return. We were so disappointed with the ending because neither of us knew about Nicholas Cage being the daughter at the end of the movie, I'm so sorry that I spoiled the ending for you. Anyways, we went and saw the message from Chris Christie, our beloved governor. http://i.imgur.com/xNugx.jpg Pic related, it's him. We needed to stop a new villain that had recently teamed up with Blimpus. Mr. Who. Mr. Who had been corrupted by the dark energies of blimpus and his inflatable animals that save him with ropes, and he was well aware of his powers at the time. Mr. Who was one of the greatest time traveling super hero and he saves the lives of different people when he goes. We had to storm the beaches of Normandy again to gain access to France. We went through the sewer pipes and we had found a secret entrance to parlament, we found disks containing videos of blimpus literally face f*****g Mr. Who and peeing in his conker hole. We were very displeased by this reality that we had realized and we called upon our newest ally, gnomes dog, tissue, we used it to sniff out where Mr. Who was and we found him right then and there with his pants down. We then held onto him and we were teleported to a different time zone. Mr. Who teleported us to 1923 Puerto Rico where we saw a few poor mexicans feeding chickens and churning butter, we then tried to tell Mr. Who that we needed to come home but instead he told us we needed to get special chickens to power his watch again, we told Mr. Who that we found the chicken and we used tissues instead, although gnome was very sad at the end of this trip, we got him a new pet. A moose named Smith. 


After we had returned from our time traveling journey from Mr. Who we found out where Blimpus was hiding because we gave Mr.Who an obsscene amount of buttplugs inside is snatchpipe. He was very red afterword and we rewarded him by bleaching the inside of his a**hole, which resulted in bleach going directly into his bloodstream, which resulted his death, tragic really. As I saw Gnome prepare a saddle for his new stead, we realized how much of a hassle having a moose pet would be. But then we realised that we had our pshco butler Micheal Andersen and he was 10x better than Ad-I mean Noah. (He's also more loose too, if you catch my drift.) We fit the moose into our house and he had made himself a home inside of our basement, which isn't much considering that adding a pet to our house raised our ghetto capitalist funds from big momma government. I love the way the american tax system works and how they count meese for children, who woulda thunk? I've recently encouraged Gnome to become a lion tamer soon. As of now, I will post if anything were to happen if Blimpus returns to this world with a vengeance.

Garlic Butter, and Wednesdays turmoil.

My floor is growling at me as we speak, I'm typing this while gnome is keeping the lions at bay. Let me start off from the beginning. When I last left my house after I heard the phone ringing during my daily chess game versus gnome. Gnome is a very admirable opponent when it comes to chess, he usually communicates with his pieces and wins automatically because his bishop feels like cheating. No pun intended. I dashed into the room where the phone was and I answered the phone. It was Chris Christie again! "YES MISTER CHRISTIE? HOW CAN WE HELP?" INCASE YOU FORGOT WHO HE WAS. (http://www.bigappledaily.tv/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/chris-christie.jpg) "I need you to fight against Blimpus and his new army!" Mister Christie said while he was getting a ****job from Jaba the Hutt. All of a sudden, my computer started to shake, I was receiving messages on my e-mail and it was all notifications from these infernal poser blogs. People are making these new blogs and it was blocking my news feed, so I got gnome to stick his dick into the computer and he was able to fuck the motherboard until she spewd sperm into the computer, corrupting these blogs and putting them back into their place in the netherworlds. I then looked at Gnome with a look of approval. He and I knew what he was thinking. CELEBRATORY FRUIT PUNCH AT WAWA. Wawa now accepted EBT, so we decided to buy some hoagies while we're at it. While we were walking home, we saw him. Riding a bike with his slicked back hair and his toothpick in his mouth. Blimpus. We knew what we were up against, and he whistled his rape whistle that he had handy on him. A bunch of kids with glasses came out of the bushes in camo. I was in awe at how many people he was able to summon, and the worst part about it, they weren't invisible, so our paintbrushes were proven to be ineffective to them. "Welcome, pitiful land walkers, feel the might of my new army! THE ARMY OF BLOGGERS TO THE LIVES THAT YOU'VE RUINED." "OH F**K F**K F**KAF**K" Yelled gnome, He started to bolt, but one of the bloggers got a hold of him and demanded that he reject back his semen and make his blog better again before his immersion broke. "GNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"I yelled as soon as I saw him fall to the ground with his trousers down. I quickly took out a pheonix down and I revived him, he only had 10% of his Hp and Mana back. We ran away with gnome on my back and I set off the bomb that I cleverly put down BECAUSE GNOMES TIME TRAVELING POWERS WORKED. The bloggers died in a smoldering flame, BUT the zoo was caught not sleeping in the explosion. We has gorillas and lions and bears chasing us down the street, we baited them into my basement with seafood and that's where I am now, Right now gnome is calling the toof fairy and we're about to get uppity in this bitch, I'll update you all later! Smiley face ex dee.

Check Title Laugh Urinate

Recently this man from the universe of anti vlogs has appeared in our realm. He preaches that vlogs have gained too much power and awareness and must be put to a halt. According to him, I'm beautiful respectable, can't get me out of his head. But also according to him. "The world is making a change, and we must leave the vlogs behind in the evolutionary chain of what we call, the universe of slender."

How else can we cry about being followed by this man in a suit who is trying to talk over the world? I implore you to stop this heinous activity and leave blogs alone, stop trying to make people read them because you want to be famous, it will never work. Blogs are for speaking freely, not bitching on why you aren't getting any views. I command you all to stop giving blogs a bad name so this man can stop going against vlogs.

I will update soon, I hear the phone ringing.

Does my wallet always have cheese in it? Or does the room smell like Blimpus?

Gnome, My brother, my friend, my captain. We were sitting in our fortress of solitude up in our San Francisco bath house, with so many hookers, Tharol would be jealous of the amount. As we all know, Ass FORMS AROUND Tharols dick, he doesn't even have to try. Anyway. We were sitting with our hookers when all of a sudden we got a call from the fattest governor in the united states, breaking 2 world records, Chris Christy. He told us that we needed to push him through the door while greasing the edges of the door to push him through. All of a sudden, a ninja smoke bomb appeared and gnome and I couldn't see anything. Then, Blimpus appeared! Gnome and I took around 5 seconds to gasp at his nudeness because it was really random and we laughed because he has a scab on his private area. Blimpus said "later boners" and went off on his blimp with a crane carrying Chris Christy. Also, for those of you who don't know what he looks like. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/ee/Chris_Christie_at_townhall.jpg/220px-Chris_Christie_at_townhall.jpg There you go. Now to continue with my story \o/. I was ashamed of Gnome to let Blimpus to get away so easily. So I smacked him on the bottom. Over. and over again. Then, all of a sudden, an arabian prince came up to us and he told us that we needed to get Chris Christie back because if we didn't we'd have our arms chopped off. With the fear of our arms being chopped off we set off to find the headquarters of our arch nemesis, Blimpus. We eventually ended our 3 year search in Winchester, where we met King George the IIIIVIIXXI I was very pleased to know that he hated all of his predicesors and he told us that he had recently saw invisible children in his home while sipping crumpets and tea. So we did what we usually did, we hired a bunch of mexicans to stab EVERYTHING in the country until they stabbed an invisible child. Pedro finally found one and we forced him to show us the location of bBlimpus without the bloody shrimps getting in our pants. We finally made it inside Blimpus' blimp while he was feeding Chris Christie canned corn and biscuits. Then, I went up to Blimpus and punched him in the nuts. It was as simple as that. We took his blimp and we blimped home to our fortress in Gnome's house. We eventually slid Chris Christie through to his bed and he thanked us and the Arabian man didn't chop off our hands, but instead gave us Pigs gone wild. I'm glad to have such a reliable partner in crime, even though all he does is be small. He doesn't even have any super powers. He just stays small and just sticks a thumb in his butt while I do all the work. I will write soon with more news from Sharron and his life working. Also, Cameron is pregnant, so I need to get a job soon, then I can get fired and apply for unemployment and be rich forever.

The Horseshoe, The Toad, and the Pen Cap. Featuring Chicken Alfredo.

Today is a memorable say in MY society that we call, Tuesday. Tuesday Is a day when we all give up on the things we want the most but still do it anyway. I heard that Tuesdays are a great day to go to Buffalo Wild Wings. It all started when Gnome picked up the distress call phone device and saw that it was beeping a lot. "GNOME WHAT IS GOIN ON MY BROTHER?" And gnome replied with "THE PRESIDENT IS IN TROUBLE AND WE MUST SAVE HIM FROM HIM!" I knew exactly who he was talking about. I knew it as soon as I saw the huge blimp rising from the white house, it was my arch rival, BLIMPUS. I knew that I wasn't going to let him get away this time. We then drove all the way to the whitehouse in the fairymobile, hey, it's the only car Gnome has. I went into the door and requested a meeting with the presidente and I saw he was being held captive by not only Blimpus, but the slender slayer as well, and his army of the KON-3 and the invisible children. I tried to grab my paintbrush from my back pocket but it was too later! Blimpus threw a shurketion at the brush and sliced it in half. I was hopeless, and Blimpus had me cornered with the Slenderslayer who was secretly working for President Slender who replaced the real president. Just then, Gnome in a motorcycle swopped in and crushed all of the small invisible children and took a punch in the face by the slenderslayer. Gnome fell unconscious to the ground and I lost hope again. I was then shot in the arm by president slender and his gang of korean children who had nothing better to do. Just then. I heard a swooping sound above the oval office and then 
KABOOOOOOOOOM!
To my surprise, it was one of my favorite allies of all time, CAPTAIN NIPS A LOT!
With his Mammary glands of justice, he pumped out enough milk to feed an entire village of Switzerland.
With such perkiful grace, he swooped in a tackled the president Slender and caused him to push the self destruct button, meaning the white house was going to explode in 10 minutes. I charged in after Blimpus but all of a sudden, a blimp full of animals from Noah's ark threw down a rope and he tried attempted to grab ahold of the rope and he succeeded in doing so. I clenched my fists and dove in after Blimpus and we were both on the rope flying away, I knew that Gnome and The Nippled Avenger would be able to settle things inside the white house with that phony President and would eventually be smoking blunts with Obama. 
Blimpus, crafty as he was, decided to cut the rope that I was on and I was falling to my death, but then, I was caught by the magestic mammary magician, Captain Nips a lot with his Tits of Justice. He put me to the ground and I shouted Hurray! And the crowd cheered as well, but with another clenched fist, I swore revenge for what Blimpus has caused and I was stopped by President Obama. He told me that I could use my EBT on anything, included buying property and I could get unlimited dolla fries whenever i wanted to. All I had to do was put in my pin when she asked me for it. 1778. I punched it in. And the secrets of the universe were unlocked to me inside of my head and I was satisfied. I thanked the Nippled Avenger and he shook my hand and told me that with great mammarys comes great responsibility. Then me and Gnome drove all of our motorcycles into the sunset. Thinking of ways to exterminate Blimpus, once and for all.