Does my wallet always have cheese in it? Or does the room smell like Blimpus?

Gnome, My brother, my friend, my captain. We were sitting in our fortress of solitude up in our San Francisco bath house, with so many hookers, Tharol would be jealous of the amount. As we all know, Ass FORMS AROUND Tharols dick, he doesn't even have to try. Anyway. We were sitting with our hookers when all of a sudden we got a call from the fattest governor in the united states, breaking 2 world records, Chris Christy. He told us that we needed to push him through the door while greasing the edges of the door to push him through. All of a sudden, a ninja smoke bomb appeared and gnome and I couldn't see anything. Then, Blimpus appeared! Gnome and I took around 5 seconds to gasp at his nudeness because it was really random and we laughed because he has a scab on his private area. Blimpus said "later boners" and went off on his blimp with a crane carrying Chris Christy. Also, for those of you who don't know what he looks like. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/ee/Chris_Christie_at_townhall.jpg/220px-Chris_Christie_at_townhall.jpg There you go. Now to continue with my story \o/. I was ashamed of Gnome to let Blimpus to get away so easily. So I smacked him on the bottom. Over. and over again. Then, all of a sudden, an arabian prince came up to us and he told us that we needed to get Chris Christie back because if we didn't we'd have our arms chopped off. With the fear of our arms being chopped off we set off to find the headquarters of our arch nemesis, Blimpus. We eventually ended our 3 year search in Winchester, where we met King George the IIIIVIIXXI I was very pleased to know that he hated all of his predicesors and he told us that he had recently saw invisible children in his home while sipping crumpets and tea. So we did what we usually did, we hired a bunch of mexicans to stab EVERYTHING in the country until they stabbed an invisible child. Pedro finally found one and we forced him to show us the location of bBlimpus without the bloody shrimps getting in our pants. We finally made it inside Blimpus' blimp while he was feeding Chris Christie canned corn and biscuits. Then, I went up to Blimpus and punched him in the nuts. It was as simple as that. We took his blimp and we blimped home to our fortress in Gnome's house. We eventually slid Chris Christie through to his bed and he thanked us and the Arabian man didn't chop off our hands, but instead gave us Pigs gone wild. I'm glad to have such a reliable partner in crime, even though all he does is be small. He doesn't even have any super powers. He just stays small and just sticks a thumb in his butt while I do all the work. I will write soon with more news from Sharron and his life working. Also, Cameron is pregnant, so I need to get a job soon, then I can get fired and apply for unemployment and be rich forever.

The Horseshoe, The Toad, and the Pen Cap. Featuring Chicken Alfredo.

Today is a memorable say in MY society that we call, Tuesday. Tuesday Is a day when we all give up on the things we want the most but still do it anyway. I heard that Tuesdays are a great day to go to Buffalo Wild Wings. It all started when Gnome picked up the distress call phone device and saw that it was beeping a lot. "GNOME WHAT IS GOIN ON MY BROTHER?" And gnome replied with "THE PRESIDENT IS IN TROUBLE AND WE MUST SAVE HIM FROM HIM!" I knew exactly who he was talking about. I knew it as soon as I saw the huge blimp rising from the white house, it was my arch rival, BLIMPUS. I knew that I wasn't going to let him get away this time. We then drove all the way to the whitehouse in the fairymobile, hey, it's the only car Gnome has. I went into the door and requested a meeting with the presidente and I saw he was being held captive by not only Blimpus, but the slender slayer as well, and his army of the KON-3 and the invisible children. I tried to grab my paintbrush from my back pocket but it was too later! Blimpus threw a shurketion at the brush and sliced it in half. I was hopeless, and Blimpus had me cornered with the Slenderslayer who was secretly working for President Slender who replaced the real president. Just then, Gnome in a motorcycle swopped in and crushed all of the small invisible children and took a punch in the face by the slenderslayer. Gnome fell unconscious to the ground and I lost hope again. I was then shot in the arm by president slender and his gang of korean children who had nothing better to do. Just then. I heard a swooping sound above the oval office and then 
KABOOOOOOOOOM!
To my surprise, it was one of my favorite allies of all time, CAPTAIN NIPS A LOT!
With his Mammary glands of justice, he pumped out enough milk to feed an entire village of Switzerland.
With such perkiful grace, he swooped in a tackled the president Slender and caused him to push the self destruct button, meaning the white house was going to explode in 10 minutes. I charged in after Blimpus but all of a sudden, a blimp full of animals from Noah's ark threw down a rope and he tried attempted to grab ahold of the rope and he succeeded in doing so. I clenched my fists and dove in after Blimpus and we were both on the rope flying away, I knew that Gnome and The Nippled Avenger would be able to settle things inside the white house with that phony President and would eventually be smoking blunts with Obama. 
Blimpus, crafty as he was, decided to cut the rope that I was on and I was falling to my death, but then, I was caught by the magestic mammary magician, Captain Nips a lot with his Tits of Justice. He put me to the ground and I shouted Hurray! And the crowd cheered as well, but with another clenched fist, I swore revenge for what Blimpus has caused and I was stopped by President Obama. He told me that I could use my EBT on anything, included buying property and I could get unlimited dolla fries whenever i wanted to. All I had to do was put in my pin when she asked me for it. 1778. I punched it in. And the secrets of the universe were unlocked to me inside of my head and I was satisfied. I thanked the Nippled Avenger and he shook my hand and told me that with great mammarys comes great responsibility. Then me and Gnome drove all of our motorcycles into the sunset. Thinking of ways to exterminate Blimpus, once and for all.

Donkey Show Country

Recently, I've been thinking of new ways to eliminate this Gnome Chomsky fellow. I might have to relinquish his reign of Cameron by puking chewed garlic into his mouth. But that's another story for another time. In honor of Taco Tuesday, I decided to take Cameron to Chipotle. I like Chipotle a lot. Sharron works there. When I went outside from chipotle, I saw a blimp with a naruto ninja on top of it, I decided to call this evil mastermind, Blimpus. He struck out at me with his shurketins and I dodged every last one with my EBT card. I swiped it at the chipotle and they gave me fried beans and oil to help me slay blimpus, but little did I know, he had his steam punk pirate friends helping him in his escape, they threw down a rope and he said "I WILL GET YOU ROBERT CHOMSKY, AND YOUR LITTLE GNOME TOO." I vowed while in the ground and stated, "WE WILL SHOW YOU WHO IS THE BOSS, AND WHO IS THE SLAYED." I took out my crossbow and aimed it at the rope, and I was about to shoot. But I didn't. #Spiderses I went over to my house to find Gnome sitting on my couch masturbating furiously to pigs gone wild. I guess you can say he got his just desserts. I went over to Gnome and patted him on the back and said. "My what a lovley tea party." He nodded in agreement and handed me a cup o soup. As he knew that I was infact very full from the chipotle I decided to put it in my pocket for later use. As our telecamhelicopter told us the location of our arch nemesis, Blimpus. I skydove into the base and swiped my EBT card and I gained entry into the base with gnome. Gnome then tripped over a red wire because he was too small. I helped him up and the alarm went off. Then all of a sudden, we saw a blimp inside the building, and we decided to hijack it. Blimpus stopped us before we could get on and out of nowhere, we saw Ada-Noah. And he told us that he had built the blimp with poop as his mortal and lots of elastic and plastic, if the blimp were to ever catch on fire, he would probably die of having too much to garden on his free time, if you know what I mean. As he approached me with his shukatin, I grabbed gnome and gnome took the blow for me while I threw him at Blimpus, and I arrested him along with Gimme20Dollaz, because he's a f**king j**ish f****t who goes to soup kitchens. And that is how I saved the day with my sidekick, Gnome Chompsky. Also, if you have any idea who he may be, because his identity is sealed with a mask, please tell me because I really want to know. Also. Slender slayer thinks this is fake, but it does real, i saw it with my feet. Enough said fgt.

The boy who cried Manwitch.

I write this entry as I cook sharks in my basement. I hit the jackpot today everybody. As I walked my dog rusty around the pier eating my morning manwitch, I saw a bunch of dead sharks on the beach. I was curious on how so many sharks can be dead under a pier at once, I decided to hire mexicans and my girlfriend Cameron by giving them dolla fries with my EBT card of power. We ate, and we also got My Little Pony toys, I got the purple one with the flower on it, it was delicious, especially the wrapping, Sharron gave us more toys for free, because he works at McDonalds, he's a head manager over there. As we rolled down out windows with the sharks in the back of our truck, it suddenly got very misty outside, and we found ourselves in the ghettofied a**hole camp. It's like a bunch of black guys who r**e you without condom or lube, except they swipe triple the amount of EBT as I do. All of a suddens they decided to get a bat and one ran out and sacrificed himself to stop my car and his body clogged up my engine and my grill, causing my car to stop. I honked my horn a bunch of times, to grab peoples attention, but to no avail. So i went into my cd case and got out my favorite tunes to blast, god old coon man Johnny Rebel, with his hit single, "N****r N****r." The black people were so impressed with the influentiul lurics that they decided to buy the song on Itunes with their EBT card and they also bought us drinks with cash. I told them cheers and to put a good ol prime rib in the bbq and they did. While they were distracted with the consumation of other materials, we pryed the dead guy in our grill and ran off, one of our mexicans, Asho didn't make it. He was eaten by the ghettofied a**holes of Amurica. We did make it though, UNTIL WE SAW SOMETHING ELSE IN THE MIST. It was the guy in the suit, and now I come to think of it, sharron tried to kill me while we were in the car chanting some words of some sort because she was possesd by this tall suit man guy. I knew who was behind his pupet sharade though, it was KONY ISLAND 2010. All of a sudden, next to the tall suit man, invisible children were parading the grounds of ghettofied asshole land. I knew their only weakness though. The mexicans in my truck had gallons of paint handy from their lawn mowing job before, and we dumped it on the invisible children and they were visible, then we were able to run them over effectivly, in steed of blindly thoughout the mist, the tall suit man was mad at us, but we didn't care. But right now, the mexicans and sharron and cameron are eating sharks right now with our hard ernd stuff. I'll try to update later, but i'll see what I may be able to do. I applied for the most dreadful thing ever, UNEMPLOYMENT.

The Try hard, no good, buttplug up the @$$ phony.

There's this new blog called crack elephants eating my chicken. It's basically all of my posts reposted in this...try hard language I can't really decipher. If you're reading this, I hope you know that Robert Chompsky is going after you right now. Right now I bought an IP address finder so I can backtrace his chicken so I can eat his laundry, thereby destroying him entirely. I hope all of my loyal followers help me get the ghetto capitalist revolution on this guys Vietnamese penis. I've about had it with all the people saying "OH EM GEE HE MUST BE THE REAL DEAL ROBERT, HE THINK'S YOUR STORY IS A JOKE!" Yeah well you can go fuck yourself unloyal subjects. Keff Joval is the biggest tryhard of them all. I'm going to find you gnome. This is what i'm going to do.


1. I'm going to buy 2 horses, and they will be exactly the same.
2. I will then take the horses to your daughers house, and hide one in the bush.
3. Afterwords I will bring the main horse into your house, and she will be thrilled there will be a horse in her house.
4. When you come out in shock and awe, I will stab you to death with Sharron, he owns a gun shop next to Chuck E. Cheese. He actually gets a shitload of buisness when it's near the spring hunting season. Now that I think of it, Sharron might be f***ing my wife right now, but i'm so mad that I don't even care atm.
I think this gnome guy is just a text chat warrior, and he's a major threat because he may be behind this Kony Island thing going on now, with the invisible people and such. It's a conspiracy. I'll see to it that gnome get's his JUST DESSERTS. AND HE WILL SUFFER. I PROMISE THAT TO YOU ALL MY FANS. I LOVE YOU ALL. GOOD NIGHT.

The Thing In the Mist.

               Sorry I haven't been able to be able to be able to make a post recently. I have been forming a bond with my friend Sharron. He works almost about everywhere. Anyways. I was getting off topic (Lol \o/) So since I'm a ghetto capitalist and I swipe my EBT card for just about anything. I decided to buy a brand new computer in my brand new house. I've been watching this really good show called Mr.Who about a time traveling super hero who steals peoples panties in the past and sniffs them in the distant future, he also has a pet monkey named Jesse. Yes. It's a pretty shitty name for a monkey. ANYWAYS. I decided that I wanted to go more into investigating into this tall man guy. My wife has been chanting his name and he really scares me. I went to the graveyard behind me house to see if I can locate the tall guy. To make it more convenient for him to find me, I went at approx 4 a.m. Just before my routine brand muffin with ghetto capitalist chocolate milk. When I went to the graveyard he saw me masturbating furiously. I went over to Redlight and asked him for a Fleshlight. He gave me one and I used it to get myself off. Then the tall guy with no face went up to me and told me that i needed to go to sleep. 
               I woke up the next day on my lawn with nothing but boxers and chips and dip. I finished the dip and realised I was burnt by the sun, I went inside to get aloe to find Sharron and Cameron making out without me. I was sad. Tomorrow Cameron and I are going to the book store to buy more Mr.Who and his time traveling adventures. I feel as if there is a warm sensation going down my pants as I type this.

THE RETURN OF THE MASTER OF BLOGS

Sorry guys, I was busy spending time in jail because the MAN was keeping me down in the prison. Mkay? So while I was in jail, Cameron was giving me feedback on what was happening at home. She told me that the tall man in her head was becoming friends with her. I was kind of disappointed to be honest, She seemed a little TOO happy to becoming friends with him. Then i knew what was going on, It occurred to me like a barrel of milk flying at me at 78mph. Cameron was cheating on me with Sharron. I was very disgruntled with this news to myself so I ran over to the Chuck E. Cheese to confront Sharron. I used my EBT card to buy Chuck E. Cheese tokens and I played a few games, It was really fun, especially that game where you jump the invisible 10 times in a row for the extra tickets. Or Skeeball. You can never go wrong with skeeball. Anyways. Sharron was inside the Chuck E. costume and I went up with my colt 45 from my back pocket and then I show Sharron in the foot, I asked him what he was doing with my wife. He told me that he wasn't doing my wife, he was in fact, having sexual dildo intercourse with Noah, my butler, I thanked him for his honestly. I gave him a ADHESIVE MEDICAL STRIPS for his foot. As the kids ran away from me, Considering I had a gun, I saw the tall man, in a car. And he sucked up the children in his mouth like a whore after she found "Alabama Black Snake" at happy hour at TGI fridays. I ran away as fast as I could, I got home and I hid the gun and the evidence, We couldn't find a box for the gun to be hid inside, so we hid it inside of Noah.