The Butler

Since my girlfriend and I are ghetto capitalists, we've decided to use the extra money from Cameron's prostitution and use it toward funding a butler. We contacting a Butler Agency and got one of their cheapest, finest men around, His name is Noah Maxwell. Noah is a very skinny fellow, he has long hair and he likes long walks on the beach. He curses a lot when he screws up as well. Today, while he was tending to our garden, he told me that I should "Fucking buy some more fucking flowers" so I went out to my favorite place, Home Depot. That's where all the cool kids hang out. I went into Home Depot and saw my favorite employee of them all, His name is Sharron. He showed me the most lovely bushes of roses anybody could ever have. I bought them all, I spent over 500$ on roses, When I took them back after I rented a truck for 50$, Noah was on the ground, he said someone in a suit came over and pushed him over. This befuddled me, was he trying to get himself fired because he doesn't appreciate our ghetto capitalist ways? Or did he just want to get into my wife's pants? Either way, it was very mysterious on the way that he acted. I talked to Noah the following day and offered him my wife as an alternate payment for his services, he delightfully agreed. When Cameron and Noah went upstairs, I decided to take a peak inside to see what they were doing, Noah was crying on the mattress telling Cameron that he was afraid and had never conducted such acts before. He was a Virgin. I'll skip the sexual experiences we all experienced together. I told Noah he did a great job churning my insides up, and I zipped my pants, as soon we left the room, we looked outside of the window, and there, a tall man in a business suit was standing outside of my house. I'm starting to become scared for my life.

My Dark Journal

So tonight I've decided to look into Cameron's dream journal, (My Dark Journal) and I had a few laughs about it, because one sentence stated, "I saw a tall guy starting in our window, and I made an egg sandwich for him, Talk about getting my beauty sleep." It also kind of freaked me out, because after i read that, I swear I saw a guy peering into our window, I guess I should grab my camera and take some pictures whenever I get the chance.

The Date

Today Cameron and I went on a fancy at a fancy restaurant for fancy people. I simply swiped my EBT card and we instantly got free food. God bless the American Welfare System. I'm so glad I can mooch off the government tit for my amusement and pleasure. As we were eating dinner, Cameron told me how she's been having weird dreams lately and I told her it was probably her pain medication from all the sick she has. On our way home I told her to write a dream journal because that is what normal people do with their spare time. The title of her dream journal is the name that she picked, it's called "My Dark Journal" Which is really weird because I think that was a movie or something. The journal was pink and not very dark at all.

When did this all start Robert?

Well it all started when my girlfriend, Cameron, made me my usual bread in a can, and eggs, with a side of delicious bacon. She learned how to cook at the local Woman's club. The Woman's club is essentially a giant kitchen in which other women converse and share recipes with each other, I guess I'm getting a little off topic, back to the story. Usually when she makes bacon she puts it on the side of the plate, just how I like it, but today was different, the eggs that she made were in the middle of the plate, and the bacon, was in almost an X format over the eggs. It seemed to freak me out so I called her a filthy slut and told her not to make my eggs like that again. Geez. Women. What disturbed me is after I called her that, she began to speak in taco language, or Spanish as some may call it or some other language I didn't really know, it was kinda weird. I'm going to go to bed. I find this whole writing thing rather droll.

Hello Everyone!

My name is Robert Chomsky, I don't know why I started doing this blog thing, but it seems kind of fun right now. This is just a blog about all the weird shit that's been going on with my girlfriend. I want to document it with pictures and writing because we're too poor to afford a camera.