Garlic Butter, and Wednesdays turmoil.

My floor is growling at me as we speak, I'm typing this while gnome is keeping the lions at bay. Let me start off from the beginning. When I last left my house after I heard the phone ringing during my daily chess game versus gnome. Gnome is a very admirable opponent when it comes to chess, he usually communicates with his pieces and wins automatically because his bishop feels like cheating. No pun intended. I dashed into the room where the phone was and I answered the phone. It was Chris Christie again! "YES MISTER CHRISTIE? HOW CAN WE HELP?" INCASE YOU FORGOT WHO HE WAS. (http://www.bigappledaily.tv/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/chris-christie.jpg) "I need you to fight against Blimpus and his new army!" Mister Christie said while he was getting a blowjob from Jaba the Hutt. All of a sudden, my computer started to shake, I was receiving messages on my e-mail and it was all notifications from these infernal poser blogs. People are making these new blogs and it was blocking my news feed, so I got gnome to stick his dick into the computer and he was able to fuck the motherboard until she spewd sperm into the computer, corrupting these blogs and putting them back into their place in the netherworlds. I then looked at Gnome with a look of approval. He and I knew what he was thinking. CELEBRATORY FRUIT PUNCH AT WAWA. Wawa now accepted EBT, so we decided to buy some hoagies while we're at it. While we were walking home, we saw him. Riding a bike with his slicked back hair and his toothpick in his mouth. Blimpus. We knew what we were up against, and he whistled his rape whistle that he had handy on him. A bunch of kids with glasses came out of the bushes in camo. I was in awe at how many people he was able to summon, and the worst part about it, they weren't invisible, so our paintbrushes were proven to be ineffective to them. "Welcome, pitiful land walkers, feel the might of my new army! THE ARMY OF BLOGGERS TO THE LIVES THAT YOU'VE RUINED." "OH FUCK FUCK FUCKAFUCK" Yelled gnome, He started to bolt, but one of the bloggers got a hold of him and demanded that he reject back his semen and make his blog better again before his immersion broke. "GNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"I yelled as soon as I saw him fall to the ground with his trousers down. I quickly took out a pheonix down and I revived him, he only had 10% of his Hp and Mana back. We ran away with gnome on my back and I set off the bomb that I cleverly put down BECAUSE GNOMES TIME TRAVELING POWERS WORKED. The bloggers died in a smoldering flame, BUT the zoo was caught not sleeping in the explosion. We has gorillas and lions and bears chasing us down the street, we baited them into my basement with seafood and that's where I am now, Right now gnome is calling the toof fairy and we're about to get uppity in this bitch, I'll update you all later! Smiley face ex dee.

Check Title Laugh Urinate

Recently this man from the universe of anti vlogs has appeared in our realm. He preaches that vlogs have gained too much power and awareness and must be put to a halt. According to him, I'm beautiful respectable, can't get me out of his head. But also according to him. "The world is making a change, and we must leave the vlogs behind in the evolutionary chain of what we call, the universe of slender."

How else can we cry about being followed by this man in a suit who is trying to talk over the world? I implore you to stop this heinous activity and leave blogs alone, stop trying to make people read them because you want to be famous, it will never work. Blogs are for speaking freely, not bitching on why you aren't getting any views. I command you all to stop giving blogs a bad name so this man can stop going against vlogs.

I will update soon, I hear the phone ringing.

Does my wallet always have cheese in it? Or does the room smell like Blimpus?

Gnome, My brother, my friend, my captain. We were sitting in our fortress of solitude up in our San Francisco bath house, with so many hookers, Tharol would be jealous of the amount. As we all know, Ass FORMS AROUND Tharols dick, he doesn't even have to try. Anyway. We were sitting with our hookers when all of a sudden we got a call from the fattest governor in the united states, breaking 2 world records, Chris Christy. He told us that we needed to push him through the door while greasing the edges of the door to push him through. All of a sudden, a ninja smoke bomb appeared and gnome and I couldn't see anything. Then, Blimpus appeared! Gnome and I took around 5 seconds to gasp at his nudeness because it was really random and we laughed because he has a scab on his private area. Blimpus said "later boners" and went off on his blimp with a crane carrying Chris Christy. Also, for those of you who don't know what he looks like. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/ee/Chris_Christie_at_townhall.jpg/220px-Chris_Christie_at_townhall.jpg There you go. Now to continue with my story \o/. I was ashamed of Gnome to let Blimpus to get away so easily. So I smacked him on the bottom. Over. and over again. Then, all of a sudden, an arabian prince came up to us and he told us that we needed to get Chris Christie back because if we didn't we'd have our arms chopped off. With the fear of our arms being chopped off we set off to find the headquarters of our arch nemesis, Blimpus. We eventually ended our 3 year search in Winchester, where we met King George the IIIIVIIXXI I was very pleased to know that he hated all of his predicesors and he told us that he had recently saw invisible children in his home while sipping crumpets and tea. So we did what we usually did, we hired a bunch of mexicans to stab EVERYTHING in the country until they stabbed an invisible child. Pedro finally found one and we forced him to show us the location of bBlimpus without the bloody shrimps getting in our pants. We finally made it inside Blimpus' blimp while he was feeding Chris Christie canned corn and biscuits. Then, I went up to Blimpus and punched him in the nuts. It was as simple as that. We took his blimp and we blimped home to our fortress in Gnome's house. We eventually slid Chris Christie through to his bed and he thanked us and the Arabian man didn't chop off our hands, but instead gave us Pigs gone wild. I'm glad to have such a reliable partner in crime, even though all he does is be small. He doesn't even have any super powers. He just stays small and just sticks a thumb in his butt while I do all the work. I will write soon with more news from Sharron and his life working. Also, Cameron is pregnant, so I need to get a job soon, then I can get fired and apply for unemployment and be rich forever.

The Horseshoe, The Toad, and the Pen Cap. Featuring Chicken Alfredo.

Today is a memorable say in MY society that we call, Tuesday. Tuesday Is a day when we all give up on the things we want the most but still do it anyway. I heard that Tuesdays are a great day to go to Buffalo Wild Wings. It all started when Gnome picked up the distress call phone device and saw that it was beeping a lot. "GNOME WHAT IS GOIN ON MY BROTHER?" And gnome replied with "THE PRESIDENT IS IN TROUBLE AND WE MUST SAVE HIM FROM HIM!" I knew exactly who he was talking about. I knew it as soon as I saw the huge blimp rising from the white house, it was my arch rival, BLIMPUS. I knew that I wasn't going to let him get away this time. We then drove all the way to the whitehouse in the fairymobile, hey, it's the only car Gnome has. I went into the door and requested a meeting with the presidente and I saw he was being held captive by not only Blimpus, but the slender slayer as well, and his army of the KON-3 and the invisible children. I tried to grab my paintbrush from my back pocket but it was too later! Blimpus threw a shurketion at the brush and sliced it in half. I was hopeless, and Blimpus had me cornered with the Slenderslayer who was secretly working for President Slender who replaced the real president. Just then, Gnome in a motorcycle swopped in and crushed all of the small invisible children and took a punch in the face by the slenderslayer. Gnome fell unconscious to the ground and I lost hope again. I was then shot in the arm by president slender and his gang of korean children who had nothing better to do. Just then. I heard a swooping sound above the oval office and then 
KABOOOOOOOOOM!
To my surprise, it was one of my favorite allies of all time, CAPTAIN NIPS A LOT!
With his Mammary glands of justice, he pumped out enough milk to feed an entire village of Switzerland.
With such perkiful grace, he swooped in a tackled the president Slender and caused him to push the self destruct button, meaning the white house was going to explode in 10 minutes. I charged in after Blimpus but all of a sudden, a blimp full of animals from Noah's ark threw down a rope and he tried attempted to grab ahold of the rope and he succeeded in doing so. I clenched my fists and dove in after Blimpus and we were both on the rope flying away, I knew that Gnome and The Nippled Avenger would be able to settle things inside the white house with that phony President and would eventually be smoking blunts with Obama. 
Blimpus, crafty as he was, decided to cut the rope that I was on and I was falling to my death, but then, I was caught by the magestic mammary magician, Captain Nips a lot with his Tits of Justice. He put me to the ground and I shouted Hurray! And the crowd cheered as well, but with another clenched fist, I swore revenge for what Blimpus has caused and I was stopped by President Obama. He told me that I could use my EBT on anything, included buying property and I could get unlimited dolla fries whenever i wanted to. All I had to do was put in my pin when she asked me for it. 1778. I punched it in. And the secrets of the universe were unlocked to me inside of my head and I was satisfied. I thanked the Nippled Avenger and he shook my hand and told me that with great mammarys comes great responsibility. Then me and Gnome drove all of our motorcycles into the sunset. Thinking of ways to exterminate Blimpus, once and for all.

Donkey Show Country

Recently, I've been thinking of new ways to eliminate this Gnome Chomsky fellow. I might have to relinquish his reign of Cameron by puking chewed garlic into his mouth. But that's another story for another time. In honor of Taco Tuesday, I decided to take Cameron to Chipotle. I like Chipotle a lot. Sharron works there. When I went outside from chipotle, I saw a blimp with a naruto ninja on top of it, I decided to call this evil mastermind, Blimpus. He struck out at me with his shurketins and I dodged every last one with my EBT card. I swiped it at the chipotle and they gave me fried beans and oil to help me slay blimpus, but little did I know, he had his steam punk pirate friends helping him in his escape, they threw down a rope and he said "I WILL GET YOU ROBERT CHOMSKY, AND YOUR LITTLE GNOME TOO." I vowed while in the ground and stated, "WE WILL SHOW YOU WHO IS THE BOSS, AND WHO IS THE SLAYED." I took out my crossbow and aimed it at the rope, and I was about to shoot. But I didn't. #Spiderses I went over to my house to find Gnome sitting on my couch masturbating furiously to pigs gone wild. I guess you can say he got his just desserts. I went over to Gnome and patted him on the back and said. "My what a lovley tea party." He nodded in agreement and handed me a cup o soup. As he knew that I was infact very full from the chipotle I decided to put it in my pocket for later use. As our telecamhelicopter told us the location of our arch nemesis, Blimpus. I skydove into the base and swiped my EBT card and I gained entry into the base with gnome. Gnome then tripped over a red wire because he was too small. I helped him up and the alarm went off. Then all of a sudden, we saw a blimp inside the building, and we decided to hijack it. Blimpus stopped us before we could get on and out of nowhere, we saw Ada-Noah. And he told us that he had built the blimp with poop as his mortal and lots of elastic and plastic, if the blimp were to ever catch on fire, he would probably die of having too much to garden on his free time, if you know what I mean. As he approached me with his shukatin, I grabbed gnome and gnome took the blow for me while I threw him at Blimpus, and I arrested him along with Gimme20Dollaz, because he's a fucking jewish faggot who goes to soup kitchens. And that is how I saved the day with my sidekick, Gnome Chompsky. Also, if you have any idea who he may be, because his identity is sealed with a mask, please tell me because I really want to know. Also. Slender slayer thinks this is fake, but it does real, i saw it with my feet. Enough said fgt.